Welcome to With Love, Kate
I remember a time when I was 15 and in recovery from my eating disorder. My therapist shared with me she didn’t think about how many calories were in her food when she ate. My jaw literally dropped. Fifteen-year-old me thought there was NO WAY I’d ever get to a point where I didn’t consciously or subconsciously count the calories of everything that went into my mouth, even if I tried. I know too much, I thought. I can’t un-know how many calories are in something, and I sure as hell will never un-care!!
After about 5 years of practice, 20-year-old me actually did stop counting calories. I’m proud to say my guesstimates were finally pretty far off and I legitimately didn’t give a f*ck about calories specifically.
A few years later I heard a Food Psyche podcast that introduced me to the idea of Intuitive Eating. Again, my jaw just about dropped. There was NO WAY I could ever eat absolutely whatever I wanted without guilt. I thought for sure I would balloon out into unrecognizable proportions. After 2.5 decades, diet mentality was pretty well ingrained and it was just there to stay. The end. Not for me. Move on.
I spent another couple years exhausting myself with a million more "Diet Starts Mondays" and fat shredding workout programs before I returned back to this idea of intuitive eating. The difference this time was that I had spent three years working hands-on with women of all ages, nationalities, shapes, and sizes as a personal trainer in Cambodia and Thailand. I could finally see my own struggles through these women and my entire perspective shifted.
It’s not about the weight. It’s never really been about the weight. Not for me, and probably not for you either.
From that point on, I learned more and tried harder. I dug deeper beneath the surface and traced back exactly why I was holding on so tightly to diet culture. I uncovered why I felt so unworthy. I figured out how diet mentality was serving and protecting me. It gave me purpose, eased my anxiety, and promised me a life of happiness and love. And now that I know that's all bullsh*t, I feel like that 15-year-old girl again who just can’t un-know the truth.
But this time I’m fighting for it to stay.
When I finally did decide to take the leap and actually just trust my body, she was there for me. I didn’t balloon out. I didn’t eat until I couldn’t stop. I didn’t lose friends or love interests. In fact, I gained so much more.
Fifteen-year-old me never thought I’d be at this point for myself, and I certainly couldn't have imagine helping other women get here. But I’ve been studying, and practicing, and learning, and listening, and even though I’ll probably never feel fully ready, I’m damn well going to try.
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